Having breakfast in bed isn’t as fun as it sounds.
In fact, on the list of Things That Sound Better Than They Actually Are, breakfast in bed is in the top ten, right up there with Jell-o shots, parades, and the Baseball All-Star game.
The main problem with breakfast in bed is the question of inequality. Assuming there are two people involved one of them has to be doing the bulk of the work. No couple gets up, makes breakfast together, and then brings it back to bed; that defeats the whole purpose of breakfast in bed.
So if you’re in a partnership, you get one of two roles: either you’re the one who gets up and does all the hard work so the lazy, ungrateful slug who’s still in bed can have a great meal without having lifted a finger; or you’re the one who lies there pretending to sleep, feeling guilty, and practicing the look of surprise you’ll have to act out when your cold pancakes arrive.
Not exactly a win-win.
The other problem is one of cleanliness. Unless you have some Pinterest-worthy bed-table gizmo, you’ll spend most of your breakfast worrying about spilling things everywhere while trying to balance a tray (ie. cookie sheet) on your knees and pretending to have a good time. And if your breakfast includes toast, forget it. At that point, you’re resigning yourself to sand-sized crumbs invading your sleep from now until laundry day.
My advice: if you find yourself tempted by the romantic mirage of breakfast in bed, stop. Take a breath. Stay in bed for a moment. Then, instead of waking your senses with a cup of ill-advised bed coffee, just turn on this song by New York lo-fi specialist Jazzinuf. It’s got all the deliciousness of a breakfast in bed, without the mess or the guilt.
What makes this a beautiful song:
1. The opening seconds sound a bit like a cheap alarm clock radio switching between stations.
2. The stuttering piano sample feels like someone stumbling down the stairs in their pajamas, unsure of what day of the week it is.
3. At 1:30, just when the listener’s ears have gotten used to the unusual piano loop, the song switches gears, launching into a different sample: an instrumental version of a song we featured in week 351.
Recommended listening activity:
Spending an extra two and a half minutes under the covers.